{"id":759,"date":"2020-12-09T21:21:24","date_gmt":"2020-12-10T02:21:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/grievingmaman.com\/?p=759"},"modified":"2021-02-07T14:37:27","modified_gmt":"2021-02-07T19:37:27","slug":"when-love-and-sorrow-collide-quand-le-chagrin-lemporte","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/grievingmaman.com\/fr\/2020\/12\/09\/when-love-and-sorrow-collide-quand-le-chagrin-lemporte\/","title":{"rendered":"Quand le chagrin l\u2019emporte"},"content":{"rendered":"

For the English version, click \"EN\" at top-right of the menu \u2630<\/a><\/span>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Quand le chagrin l\u2019emporte<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

La publication de cette semaine se porte sur le deuil comme maman endeuill\u00e9e, donc un sujet plus sensible. Je conseille donc que vous soyez dans une humeur pr\u00eate \u00e0 lire ce genre de publication. M\u00eame si c\u2019est un sujet d\u00e9licat, je crois que c\u2019est important que les gens comprennent comment nous ressentons comme endeuill\u00e9s. Je vous recommande donc la lecture, m\u00eame si ce n\u2019est pas tout de suite. \u00c7a peut aider \u00e0 mieux comprendre les endeuill\u00e9s en g\u00e9n\u00e9ral, et donc, \u00e0 mieux les supporter. Merci pour votre lecture.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hier, j\u2019ai dessin\u00e9 mon c\u0153ur. Mon c\u0153ur est rempli de toutes sortes d\u2019\u00e9motions. Mais en grande partie, cette panoplie d\u2019\u00e9motions d\u00e9coulent de deux principales \u00e9motions; l\u2019amour et le chagrin.

La partie gauche repr\u00e9sente l\u2019amour qui r\u00e8gne dans mon c\u0153ur. Comme vous pouvez voir dans le dessin, cet amour est solide, intact, doux, lisse et m\u00eame lumineux. C\u2019est l\u2019amour que j\u2019ai pour ma famille, mes enfants. Cet amour me permet de continuer et de survivre. Quand je m\u2019ennuie de Zacka\u00ebl, cette partie de mon c\u0153ur m\u2019interpelle. L\u2019amour y est, je pense donc \u00e0 lui. Il y a plein d\u2019instants durant une journ\u00e9e lorsque je m\u2019ennuie de Zacka\u00ebl. Je ne sais pas combien de fois je pense \u00e0 lui durant la journ\u00e9e, mais c\u2019est presque tout le temps.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dessin d'un coeur bris\u00e9 : \"Quand le chagrin l'emporte\"<\/h6>\n\n\n\n
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\"Quand le chagrin l'emporte\" \u2013 Crayons de couleur\u2013 D\u00e9cembre 2020 \u2013 Brigitte Lehoux (Grieving Maman)<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n



Cependant, par certains moments, l\u2019amour est plus fort que moi; je m\u2019ennuie trop et je dois voir plus. Je dois faire plus que de parler ou \u00e9crire \u00e0 propos de lui. Je dois voir plus que sa plaque dehors. Je dois voir plus que sa chambre qui est vide. Je dois voir plus que ses photos dans le salon. J\u2019ai besoin de voir plus de que je suis habitu\u00e9e de voir. Quand on voit toujours les m\u00eames photos, on devient en quelque sorte \u00ab immunis\u00e9 \u00bb \u00e0 ces photos. Je suis tellement habitu\u00e9e de les voir que mon c\u0153ur s\u2019est renforc\u00e9 au fil du temps et je suis en mesure de g\u00e9rer mes \u00e9motions en les regardant.

Mais souvent, j\u2019ai une envie soudain de voir mon beau Zacka\u00ebl, mon c\u0153ur est insatisfait et veut davantage. Je d\u00e9cide ainsi de regarder d\u2019autres photos. C\u2019est g\u00e9n\u00e9ralement en regardant une ou deux photos que cette envie appara\u00eet, c\u2019est-\u00e0-dire l\u2019envie d\u2019en voir d\u2019autres. Je ne peux m\u2019en emp\u00eacher\u2026 je l\u2019aime trop, il est trop beau. Cette envie peut \u00e9galement se manifester sans m\u00eame regarder des photos. Il me manque tellement que je dois ouvrir l\u2019ordinateur ou le t\u00e9l\u00e9phone.

Au d\u00e9part, mon c\u0153ur est solide et c\u2019est l\u2019amour qui domine. Je veux le voir, il me manque, je l\u2019aime et regarder des photos me fait du bien. Tout cela, \u00e7a repr\u00e9sente la partie gauche de mon c\u0153ur. Je continue \u00e0 regarder ses photos. Peu \u00e0 peu, je deviens submerg\u00e9e et accro \u00e0 en regarder plus. Je veux entendre sa voix, voir ses mouvements, son sourire, je suis dans mon propre monde\u2026 un monde o\u00f9 Zacka\u00ebl est encore parmi nous.

Je suis rendue assez habitu\u00e9e que je connais le risque associ\u00e9 \u00e0 regarder plus de photos. Mais je suis incapable d\u2019arr\u00eater, mon c\u0153ur veut plus. Je continue ainsi \u00e0 en ouvrir d\u2019autres, parfois m\u00eame une vid\u00e9o. Attention maman Brigitte, c\u2019est risqu\u00e9. Mon c\u0153ur en est-il capable?

Les deux parties de mon c\u0153ur entrent maintenant en conflit, c\u2019est la bataille des \u00e9motions. Il faut peu de temps pour que la partie droite de mon c\u0153ur prenne soudainement le dessus. La tristesse appara\u00eet de pleine force, elle est plus forte et surpasse l\u2019amour. On se retrouve maintenant dans la partie droite de mon dessin.

Mon amour s\u2019est converti en tristesse. Dans mon dessin, on peut m\u00eame y voir une fl\u00e8che (subtile) au milieu qui d\u00e9note cette conversion. J\u2019irais m\u00eame \u00e0 dire que mon amour s\u2019est fait \u00e9cras\u00e9 par la tristesse. Encore une fois, ce foutu chagrin a fait son apparition et j\u2019\u00e9clate en sanglots. C\u2019est la victoire du chagrin, il a battu l\u2019amour. Je me sens d\u00e9fait. Mon c\u0153ur a mal. Il y avait d\u00e9j\u00e0 un gros trou dans mon c\u0153ur et plein de morceaux cass\u00e9s, mais l\u00e0, mon c\u0153ur saigne. Je dois arr\u00eater de regarder, je n\u2019en peux plus.

Voici un extrait de mon journal (dat\u00e9 de avril 2020) o\u00f9 vous pouvez lire comment je me sens quand \u00e7a arrive :<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Grieving Mother Journal – by Brigitte L. (page 1 of 2)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Grieving Mother Journal – by Brigitte L. (page 1 of 2)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u00c7a fait un an que j\u2019endure ce conflit. Soit je m\u2019ennuie de Zacka\u00ebl et je veux donc le voir, ou soit je le \u00ab vois \u00bb et je pleure ma vie. C\u2019est tr\u00e8s paradoxale. Mon c\u0153ur n\u2019est jamais intact, il y a toujours un trou et de chaque c\u00f4t\u00e9, les deux \u00e9motions s\u2019entrechoquent. C\u2019est cela le c\u0153ur d\u2019un parent endeuill\u00e9\u2026 du moins mon c\u0153ur comme maman endeuill\u00e9e. J\u2019esp\u00e8re que ce c\u0153ur (mon c\u0153ur) se transformera. J\u2019esp\u00e8re que le noir de la partie droite commencera \u00e0 dispara\u00eetre. J\u2019esp\u00e8re que les fissures se r\u00e9parent. J\u2019esp\u00e8re qu\u2019il pourra \u00eatre uniforme et compl\u00e8tement lisse et reluisant. J\u2019esp\u00e8re qu\u2019il arr\u00eatera bient\u00f4t de saigner autant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

C\u2019est tout pour l\u2019instant. Merci d\u2019avoir lu cette publication.
Si vous avez v\u00e9cu le deuil d\u2019un \u00eatre proche, avez-vous eu de la difficult\u00e9 \u00e0 regarder beaucoup de photos?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

S.v.p. partager vos r\u00e9flexions dans les commentaires au bas de la page.
Si vous avez appr\u00e9ci\u00e9 cette publication, vous pouvez vous abonner en inscrivant votre courriel et cliquer \u00abAbonnez\u00bb pour recevoir les prochaines!<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Je dessine mon c\u0153ur bris\u00e9, le c\u0153ur d'une maman endeuill\u00e9e apr\u00e8s la perte d'un enfant. J'explique comment l'amour et le chagrin se heurtent, comment le chagrin l'emporte sur l'amour. Il est difficile de regarder des photos et des vid\u00e9os de mon fils.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":185178740,"featured_media":762,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","_crdt_document":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"_wpas_customize_per_network":false},"categories":[16950,96],"tags":[16312876,4040,708033910,3869,708033913],"class_list":["post-759","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-grief","category-journal","tag-bereaved-parent","tag-heart","tag-journal","tag-memories","tag-zackael"],"yoast_head":"\nWhen Love and Sorrow Collide – Grieving maman<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"As a grieving mother, this is my broken heart after child loss. 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