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Il faut plus que jamais parler de santé mentale
Last week, during Bell Let’s Talk day, Canadians were invited to join the conversation to support everyone’s mental health. “Talking and getting help is still difficult for some people today. But for me, it’s a sign of strength and it gave me the tools to get through these uncertain times.” said comedian Maxim Martin.
Pourquoi parler de nos problèmes de santé?
Il y a quelques années, j’étais réticente à partager mes problèmes de santé. Je souffrais d’insomnie et j’en parlais peu. L’insomnie était certainement le plus gros problème que j’avais, puisque qu’il a duré près d’une décennie. J’en parlais parfois à des membres de la famille ou des amies proches, mais sans plus.
I remember driving on the highway to work. I already had a headache, having barely slept all night. The daylight was bright and I had to make an effort to stay focused on the road. Sometimes, I would only sleep for 2-3 hours. I even had nights when I remember that it was getting light outside, and I still hadn’t slept yet. It was terribly frustrating and I would not wish it on anyone.
At the time, I was working (I’m an accountant) for a very kind manager. There was no real reason to keep my health problem a secret. However, we are brought up in a “proud” society; our problems, we keep them at home. Plus, maybe I kept it to myself for fear it would become an obstacle in my young career, who knows?
In my late thirties, I started to be more transparent about my insomnia. I mentioned it to my superior (another), which I should have done long before. He reassured me that it was okay if I get to work later after an awful night. Obviously, I couldn’t arrive late if I had an important meeting in the morning. Arriving later wasn’t something I did often, but having this option reassured me. If it happened, I would stay later in the evening to make up for the work. I know this option may not be available to everyone, but sometimes we find some alternatives by confiding our problems.
Aujourd’hui encore, j’ai toujours des problèmes d’insomnie et je dois prendre un peu de médication. L’autre fois, j’ai tenté de rien prendre, mais je n’ai pas arrivé à dormir car j’avais des flashbacks de Zackaël et de l’accident.
Pourquoi ai-je commencé à en parler plus?
I think as I got older I started to realize that it is often best to be transparent and real, especially if we have some concerns. I recently read that being vulnerable isn’t a weakness, but rather shows some emotional maturity.
La vulnérabilité n'est pas une faiblesse
“At some point in our lives, we realize that showing emotion, admitting we are struggling, and asking for help are not signs of weakness but acts of courage. Knowing it mentally is one thing, but going one step further and actually applying it is next-level maturity.” Psychologist Cassandra Dunn,
Pourquoi écrire un blogue?
Following the accident, I read everywhere that one way of “healthy grieving” is to share emotions. Keeping our emotions inside is unhealthy. When Adélie was still in the hospital, I was lucky enough to confide in a social worker, who helped me tremendously. However, even after a year, I had to keep talking, for myself and for others.
En fait, je me rappelle que durant des mois, je me sentais seule dans mon deuil. Pas seule physiquement, mais seule émotionnellement. Oui, j’avais Carl (mon mari) dans ce deuil, mais c’était déjà lourd pour lui; il avait aussi son propre deuil à vivre. Je cherchais des témoignages de parents endeuillés en ligne. J'ai eu énormément de difficultés à trouver de pages personnelles de parents endeuillés, surtout au Canada. Ceux-ci semblent plus populaires en France. J’avais trouvé un groupe Facebook, mais pour certaines raisons, je ne sais pas si c’était ce que j’avais de besoin.
I was invited to participate in support groups. However, I didn’t have the courage to participate. When we lose someone very close, we are not necessarily ready to share our story and hear the stories of many others. We don’t have a lot of energy and patience. Personally, I preferred reading online more. I can do it when I feel like it and not at a specific set time. In addition, it allowed me to be with Adélie who was still hospitalized.
En écrivant un blogue, j’ai pensé que ça pouvait certainement aussi aider d'autres personnes. Les blogues permettent de se connecter entre nous, surtout durant ces temps difficiles de pandémie. Ils permettent également de toucher en profondeur différents sujets à chaque semaine, tout en apportent une certaine perspective. Chacun peut lire les publications quand bon il semble, à n'importe quelle heure de la journée, ce qui est important en période de deuil.
Voici un extrait d’un message que j’ai reçu le mois dernier d’une maman qui a perdu récemment un jeune enfant :
“Hello Brigitte, thank you for your kind words. A few days ago I was unable to sleep, so I decided to read your blog and it made me feel good. It’s very difficult at the moment, I say to myself “one day at a time”, but I find the days long and very difficult … As for the group of parents that is on Facebook, I find it difficult 😓 to read all this sadness. I no longer know what is good for me, and what is not. “
Pourquoi ça aide de parler de nos problèmes?
Research from Southern Methodist University suggests that writing about traumatic experiences or undergoing talk therapy had a positive impact on a patient’s health and immune system. The study argues that holding back thoughts and emotions is stressful. You have negative feelings either way, but you have to work to repress them. That can tax the brain and body, making you more susceptible to getting sick or just feeling awful.
Jusqu'à ce que ça t'arrive
I’ve heard people say that they are the type to keep their problems and emotions to themselves if difficult situations arise. It may be, but not necessarily. We shouldn’t assume. Statements like ” If something similar would happen to me, I wouldn’t do that” can be judgemental in nature.
Pour ma part, jamais j’aurais pensé être une personne qui aurait parler de ses problèmes ouvertement. Écrire un blogue n’avait jamais été un projet que je pensais entrevoir un jour. Mais les situations nous changent. On devient plus vulnérable après certains événements, et aussi, en vieillissant.
If people feel uncomfortable reading my blog or reading about grief, maybe it’s because they have never experienced much grief. If they are uncomfortable supporting those who have problems, it may be because they have never had “big” problems. Or maybe I’m wrong?
Soutenir les autres
You’ve seen relatives or friends write a post during Bell Let’s Talk Day? Let’s not forget to empathize and support them by responding. We should also be proud of their courage. They demonstrate not only their vulnerability but also their emotional maturity. It’s by talking and helping each other that we can all get better.
Lady Gaga – Till It Happens To You, Live Oscar Performance 2016
C’est tout pour l’instant!
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Sources :
https://centr.com/blog/show/7180/12-things-emotionally-mature-people-do
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/03/smarter-living/talking-out-problems.html