Isn’t Child Loss Enough?

Pour la version originale de cette publication (version française), cliquez ici.

Very difficult these days to find the time to write. First off, the week before spring break, although schools were still open, we had decided to keep the kids at home. The reasons were because of the rising number of Covid-19 cases in Ottawa and our fear of the variants. So since April 2, we have them full time at home, yet again! Maxandre is struggling with home/virtual school, we might have to revisit something different or an alternative schedule somehow.

On top of that, April is the time that we have to file our taxes. It’s annoying that the government did not postpone the dates like last year. On the Quebec side, their government is allowing an extra month to file their return. But, for us, no time extension granted by the federal government. Yet, like last year, we are again in a pandemic and therefore have difficulty managing things, and have the children at home. They realized this last year and granted an extension, but not this year I guess?

Unfortunately, it is a very complicated tax return this year for us. First, we had to sell our cottage following the accident as it happened on the way to the cottage. The sale of the cottage was another very difficult and stressful event for us in the past year, on top of everything else we had to deal with.

This is considered a so-called secondary loss. The 2019 accident not only resulted in the loss of our sweet Zackaël, but it snowballed with several other secondary losses. I plan to talk more about secondary losses, but for now here is a definition.

Secondary losses are felt after the first loss and can affect many aspects of a person’s life. Grief associated with secondary losses is an emotional response to subsequent losses that occur after the death of the loved one (the first loss).

As the sale took place in 2020, we must then include it in our 2020 taxes. Some will think it shouldn’t be complicated because we are, Carl and I, two accountants. But no, as neither of us specialize in the field of taxation, we’re no more knowledgeable than most people. We need to enter and calculate all of our expenses too because in addition to the sale, we also had rental income from the cottage. Plus all our adjustments for our time off from work, all the medical expenses not reimbursed, etc. And compile it all, in a time of pandemic with the children around!

On another topic, thanks to Carl’s hunt for vaccines, we were lucky to find a pharmacy and so were happy to receive our vaccine on Tuesday, April 20. We jumped on the occasion as soon as we found out about the 40+ age new update. Thanks Carl for contacting over 20 pharmacies! This is a big relief for our family.

The pandemic brought serious repercussions on our already devastated family. This is a topic I will be discussing at some point. Indeed, we are living in anguish for more than 17 months, since for us, it all started in November 2019 and not in March 2020 as for most. So it was a victory on April 20! This is one more step towards the end of this pandemic, reassuring us and also Maxandre who has suffered a lot of anxiety since the accident, which was amplified by the pandemic.

For my next post, I will reveal to you the magnificent painting by Vé Boisvert that I received last week. I just installed it and I want to take some great photos and write a text before I do the unveiling! Here’s a little preview!

I’ve also posted a photo of our beautiful Maxandre in front of the other canvas “Under Zackaël’s Wing”. If you missed the post about it and the story behind it, here’s the link.

Finally, I have updated Maxandre’s video post as I added his latest video “Try Not to Laugh” to it! Please check it out here!

That’s it for now! Thank you for sharing your thoughts in the comments!

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Bonne fête! Happy birthday Maxandre!

English follows…

Aujourd’hui c’est la fête à Maxandre! Mon grand garçon a 10 ans!

Je suis extrêmement fière de lui. Beaucoup des gens disent que l’année 2020 est la pire des années à cause de la COVID. Mais pour Maxandre, c’est sa première année sans son frère, sans son meilleur ami. Le confinement, ce n’est rien à côté de tout le reste. Chaque jour, il doit passer au travers le trauma, l’accident, la perte de son frère et le souci envers sa soeur (un souci qui perdure encore pour lui). Saviez-vous que le deuil d’un frère (ou soeur) est un type de deuil qui est souvent le plus négligé? C’est un sujet que je parlerai à un moment donné dans ce blogue.

Malgré toutes les difficultés et les défis, Maxandre continue de faire de son mieux et il réussit bien à l’école. Bravo Maxandre!

N’hésitez pas à lui envoyer un message de bonne fête en commentaires ci-dessous.

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Today is Maxandre’s birthday! My big boy is turning 10!

I am extremely proud of him. Many people say that 2020 is the worst year because of COVID. But for Maxandre, it’s his first year without his brother, without his best friend. Social distancing is nothing compared to everything else. Every day he must go through the trauma, the accident, the loss of his brother and the worry for his sister (that still exists for him). Did you know that the loss of sibling might be the type of grief that is often the most neglected? Sibling grief is a topic that I would live to cover at at some point in this blog.

Despite all the difficulties and challenges, Maxandre continues to do his best and is doing well in school. Well done Maxandre!

Feel free to send him a happy birthday message in the comments below.

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