Isn’t Child Loss Enough?

Pour la version originale de cette publication (version française), cliquez ici.


Very difficult these days to find the time to write. First off, the week before spring break, although schools were still open, we had decided to keep the kids at home. The reasons were because of the rising number of Covid-19 cases in Ottawa and our fear of the variants. So since April 2, we have them full time at home, yet again! Maxandre is struggling with home/virtual school, we might have to revisit something different or an alternative schedule somehow.

On top of that, April is the time that we have to file our taxes. It’s annoying that the government did not postpone the dates like last year. On the Quebec side, their government is allowing an extra month to file their return. But, for us, no time extension granted by the federal government. Yet, like last year, we are again in a pandemic and therefore have difficulty managing things, and have the children at home. They realized this last year and granted an extension, but not this year I guess?

Unfortunately, it is a very complicated tax return this year for us. First, we had to sell our cottage following the accident as it happened on the way to the cottage. The sale of the cottage was another very difficult and stressful event for us in the past year, on top of everything else we had to deal with.

This is considered a so-called secondary loss. The 2019 accident not only resulted in the loss of our sweet Zackaël, but it snowballed with several other secondary losses. I plan to talk more about secondary losses, but for now here is a definition.

Secondary losses are felt after the first loss and can affect many aspects of a person’s life. Grief associated with secondary losses is an emotional response to subsequent losses that occur after the death of the loved one (the first loss).

https://montreal.sehc.com/types-de-deuils/?lang=fr

As the sale took place in 2020, we must then include it in our 2020 taxes. Some will think it shouldn’t be complicated because we are, Carl and I, two accountants. But no, as neither of us specialize in the field of taxation, we’re no more knowledgeable than most people. We need to enter and calculate all of our expenses too because in addition to the sale, we also had rental income from the cottage. Plus all our adjustments for our time off from work, all the medical expenses not reimbursed, etc. And compile it all, in a time of pandemic with the children around!

On another topic, thanks to Carl’s hunt for vaccines, we were lucky to find a pharmacy and so were happy to receive our vaccine on Tuesday, April 20. We jumped on the occasion as soon as we found out about the 40+ age new update. Thanks Carl for contacting over 20 pharmacies! This is a big relief for our family.

The pandemic brought serious repercussions on our already devastated family. This is a topic I will be discussing at some point. Indeed, we are living in anguish for more than 17 months, since for us, it all started in November 2019 and not in March 2020 as for most. So it was a victory on April 20! This is one more step towards the end of this pandemic, reassuring us and also Maxandre who has suffered a lot of anxiety since the accident, which was amplified by the pandemic.

For my next post, I will reveal to you the magnificent painting by Vé Boisvert that I received last week. I just installed it and I want to take some great photos and write a text before I do the unveiling! Here’s a little preview!

I’ve also posted a photo of our beautiful Maxandre in front of the other canvas “Under Zackaël’s Wing”. If you missed the post about it and the story behind it, here’s the link.

Finally, I have updated Maxandre’s video post as I added his latest video “Try Not to Laugh” to it! Please check it out here!

That’s it for now! Thank you for sharing your thoughts in the comments!

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4 thoughts on “Isn’t Child Loss Enough?

  1. Dear Brigitte,

    My name is Ramia, and I went high school with Carl. Although high school can be cliquey and awkward, especially for someone like me who was more of an introvert, I always knew Carl to be kind and always smiling. I’m not sure how I first heard of the tragic accident that your family endured, I just remember being shaken to the core. Last night, for whatever reason, your family came to mind, and I was determined to find out more, and I ended up finding your blog. Two hours later, I found myself in utter tears with my heart aching for your family. You see, I too have lost a child. It is an unbearable, heart shattering grief, leaving us with a deep longing to be re-united with our child, to hug them, kiss them and do all the things. Our first-born daughter, Lucia, left us after 5 months of life, with a diagnosis of Trisomy 18 that she had from birth. I have been blessed with 3 more children since Lucia (each of them carrying her name in one way or another in their names) and we continue to talk about her and honor her in the many ways you mentioned in your blog (wearing her color, memorials, trees, and much more)! It’s amazing how similar our mama hearts can be….we want the world to know our children, to honor them as the precious gifts they are. I admire your strength and courage (though you probably don’t feel it sometimes). How brave you are to step forward to address such a painful issue. Our grief will always be there in some form or another. Someone once told me it’s like a rock in your pocket. In the beginning, the weight of that rock is heavy and always felt. Then, with time, you forget that the rock is there, but at any point, you can reach into your pocket and pull out that rock and feel its heaviness again. Having lost Lucia almost 11 years ago, I can attest that this is true. I go about my days, sometimes not even thinking about her (if I’m going to be completely honest), but every now and then, something will hit my soul and then I have a good cry. Your family will be in my prayers for continued healing and strength. Sending you a heartfelt virtual hug.

    1. Dear Ramia,
      Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your story. No one should have to go through child loss, and I’m so sorry that you also lost your little one. I feel blessed that you found my blog, thank you for being part of it as well. Feel free to speak about your grief and Lucia anytime here. I love your rock in the pocket analogy. Thank you so much for your kind words as well, I really appreciate it.
      ps. I told Carl about your comment and he said you were really kind.
      Take care

  2. Avril n’est malheureusement pas le mois le plus rose! Heureusement que le soleil du printemps est à nos portes. Je vous envoie une dose de lumière et d’amour à toi et à toute la famille. Wow, J’aime beaucoup la photo de Maxandre. Il est super bien photographié devant la toile.

    Véro

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