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The holiday season can be challenging for those who are grieving. Whether it is a recent loss or one that occurred a few years ago, feelings of grief and emptiness can be heightened and may seem overwhelming during the holiday season.
After the death of a loved one, there is no right or wrong way to celebrate (or not celebrate) the holidays, even when many years have passed.
How to Help Someone Who is Grieving During the Holidays
If a family member or close friend is grieving, the best way to support them during the holidays is to:
- Ask how they are holding up, and say that you are thinking of them.
- Be there for them. Visit them if they wish to have company (but do not impose).
- Include their loved one in the traditions and talk about them.
- Be respectful of what they wish to do during the holidays.
For example, if they prefer to avoid large gatherings with family or friends, do not try to convince them to join the celebrations. Instead, offer them a private visit or organize a smaller gathering that would be less overwhelming for them.
Six Joyous Activities that Might Become Burdens
Below is an infographic that lists 6 typical holiday activities that a grieving person might find overwhelming. The infographic is meant to bring awareness about holiday grief and to be shared to help grieving people express how they feel.
Grief During the Holidays
I recently posted this infographic on social media and in a couple of groups. It got a lot of attention and comments.
I thought I would share some comments here to bring awareness. This way, everyone can have an idea of how people living with grief might feel during the holidays, since it is not something many people talk about. (Names have been kept confidential).
” In red and even very dark red. It has been 9 months of ordeal without the love of my life, my beloved daughter, my soul mate. Christmas is Santa Claus and he’s the joy of the holiday, but for me it’s more the Devil who changed my life to be hell on earth. “
” Red for me. Since my husband died 3 years ago, nothing has mattered. All the decorations are put away, I distributed some to my grandchildren. I can’t wait for all this turmoil to end. 😢”
“I lost my brother over a year ago, and I do a little bit of both to be honest. Decorating feels exhausting but I still want to make it special for my kids. I set boundaries for how much socializing I’m going to commit to as that feels like a lot some days.”
“Completely in the red. I lost my mom 6 years ago and my son 2 years ago”
” I am in the green despite everything. I have other children and for them, Christmas must remain magical. I show them that they have to fight in life because tragically death is part of it. But my pain has remained the same 5 years since my daughter died during the Christmas holidays…”
” I lost my daughter at the end of December, 2 years ago. I am done with all that and I’ve separated myself from all the decorations. I won’t be able to redo the holidays.”
“Completely in the red, nothing interests me anymore. The holidays mean nothing without my daughter.”
“In the red for 3 years after I lost my son…. Will never be the same, can’t wait for the holidays to be over.”
“I remain in green in memory of my husband who died during the holidays 2 years ago. He loved Christmas and every year I will make his tree for him because it had stars and now he is my most beautiful star of love beyond infinity.”
“I’m in the red. The only green thing is that I want to give gifts to those I love. Otherwise, I’m done with the decorations, the trees, the desire to have a party.”
For me, my head is in “red”, but I do things in green for my children. My daughter died on December 31 in an accident. We will forever be marked by this day when the police showed up at our house. On New Year’s Day, it is impossible for us to celebrate. We go out, we go elsewhere to try to help us, to spend this traumatic day for life 💔”
“The only thing in the green is the parties (especially job) since my son would not have been present at these activities. With job parties, I am less sad than family parties… when his cousins are going to be there, as he should be with everyone”.
“Still in the red for me, even after 8 years (lost my daughter)”.
“I want to celebrate with those that I love as often as possible because you don’t know what the future holds. I lost one child and feel responsible for the others happiness.”
I tried to incorporate the comments that provided the most context. I included all of the “green” comments that I saw, which were very few. The majority of the comments were “red”, many of which I did not include in this post.
In total, I counted 3 full “greens”, 7 “half green/half red”, and 40 full “reds”. Many of the “reds” were “completely in the red”, or “still in the red after several years after the loss”, which shows that losing someone very close can affect a person’s holidays for many years to come.
That’s it for now! Please share your thoughts in the comments below.
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